My name is Br. Nathanael of Jesus. I was born in 1995 and entered the novitiate with the Immaculate Heart of Mary Province of Discalced Carmelite Friars in 2020.

It was natural for me while growing up in a faithful Catholic family to consider a vocation when still a young child. Ever since I can remember I felt some vague desire for the priesthood. My first contact with religious was with the Legionaries of Christ, some of whom were very close to my family. My brothers and I attended many of their youth summer camps and retreats. Some of the retreats were at Immaculate Conception Apostolic School, a high-school level boarding school they ran to provide young men interested in the priesthood and religious life with a good environment in which to deepen their relationship with Christ and continue their discernment. After one of these retreats I asked my parents if I could go there, and so I did. When I graduated from there I decided to go on to their novitiate and later professed temporary vows for three years. During these three years of temporary vows, I began to experience some difficulties that for a while were very confusing. On the one hand, I continued to find the Legionary charism, their community life and spirituality very life-giving, as it had been during all my years with them. On the other hand, I felt I was being drawn interiorly in a different way—a fact that took me a long time to recognize. Over time and with a lot of help from formators and spiritual directors, it became clear to me that the Lord was not calling me to continue as a Legionary, though I still felt called to the consecrated life. I returned home and took a job at a school run by the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist.

After some months had passed I began again my discernment of religious communities. I first visited a Benedictine Abbey. It was a good visit which made me more confident that I was moving in the right direction by continuing to discern religious life. However, it was clear to me that I was not called to be a Benedictine.

About a month later I came across our province’s vocation website. As I read the description of the life and of the charism, I was surprised to see all the elements that I had most relished in the Legionary charism, but in a different way which resonated with me even more: the emphasis on the humanity of Christ, intimacy with him, joyful community life, the importance of mental prayer, love for the blessed Mother and imitation of her virtues. Later, when I visited the community at Holy Hill, I was surprised at how at home I felt in the community and in the life. After I had returned home, I began the application for postulancy.

If you feel drawn to the religious life, don’t be afraid! If I had to give advice to a man discerning a vocation, I would say to commit to spending at least a half hour in mental prayer each day, and to be consistent. You need to draw close to Christ to hear his whisper! A good spiritual director is also a huge help.